Patience

I am in the state of want.  I want more of this life...I want what I see other people have and I'm not very patient in waiting for it to be my turn to get it.  I want a real job, I want a family, I want to travel the world, I want the perfect body, I want better hair...  All are realistic wants, just right now, I don't have the means to get them.
When I was a kid I wanted so bad to have braces and glasses just like some other kids in my school.  I would take my bangle bracelets and bend them so I could put them in my mouth so they would look like a retainer.  Pretending only got me so far in life.  I thought I had my chance as a 3rd grader to get myself a pair of glasses.  My little sister who was in 1st grade needed to go get her eyes checked since the school nurse lady said she needed to.  My mom made an appointment for her and I, but my old step dad was the one to take us to the eye doctors.  I was so excited.  I knew I would get some great glasses when I left that place.  My sister took her tests and then it was my turn.  I sat in the chair and did what I felt I had to do to get what I wanted.  I was a nice, honest child...I didn't think it would be bad to pretend I couldn't see what he was talking about.  I had no idea what the tests were for, but I played dumb and oh I thought I was genius.  I couldn't see the letters on the chart, when I put the spoon over one eye I couldn't see the object on the wall moving as I switched eyes, I couldn't even see the red dot on the wall in the dark room.  For all he knew I was almost blind and needed glasses so I could see better.  When I left, I didn't leave with a pair of glasses.  My little sister did though.  She got some super cool pink reading glasses with a super girl logo on the side.  I was so jealous of her.  What could I have done wrong?  I think that could have been my first moment where I felt like a failure because I had worked so hard at trying to act my way to a pair of glasses and came home empty handed.
Years later, and I mean years later somehow that story got brought up.  My mother told me that the eye doctor called her up at work that same day and told her that I needed to see a psychiatrist.  ha ha ha!!!  He thought I was crazy and needed some help.  I wonder why she didn't talk to me about it that day when she got off work?  This is such a funny story to think I was that bad at pretending that he thought I was a nut.  I still have perfect vision and am honestly grateful for it.  I did however get to spend a couple years in braces and am also grateful for my mothers investment in my smile.
So, me wanting things... it's not always the right time to have them and I don't want to be a crazy in trying to get them before I can handle them.  I learned to take them as they come, but I will still love today and I'll wait for tomorrow.

Kids say the darndest things...

Today I had the cutest little boy come and talk to me.  His mom was having me ring up their items and all the items were little boy clothes.  The short little conversation went like this.
Me: Are all these really cool clothes for you?
Boy: Yes, some of them are for me, but some of them are for my broder.
Me: Oh you have a brother, brothers are great to play with huh.
Boy: Yes I have two brothers....And! I have one sister too!  Wait I have two sisters, but one of them is a dog.
Me: Well dogs are part of the family.
He smiled and I looked at the mom and I told her how cute he was.
Got to love a kid who knows how important dogs are. :)

BuG!!!

So I go out with some lady friends we did some errands, went out to eat, and then saw a movie.  The movie was How to Train Your Dragon and it was a really great movie.  I even thought about it the next day.  Kinda funny since it was a cartoon, but it left me thinking good thoughts.
While out to dinner I just ordered their soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.  Thought it looked yummy and I was hungry.  When I took up the first spoon full of the delicious soup there was this black and white stripped thing in it.  I knocked it off the spoon to look at it more closely.  It was a bug!  I don't even know for sure what kind of a bug it was but it had a hard type shell with black and white stripes on it.  I thought it was some kind of roly-poly type bug.  While looking online this is the closest image of it.  So maybe what i got was half of a bug?  I don't think there is any spice that is black and white striped.  This thing below is called the Jerusalem Cricket...disgusting, but the article that talks about it says it's a potato bug and lives in the soil.  The soup I had was a tomato soup.  Potato...Tomato, could have similar bugs right? 

 Actual Images from my meal.

So of course I can't even eat my meal and I completely lost my apatite.  The server came, saw my plate wasn't touched and I told her there was a bug.  She felt awful and got the manager for me.  He was weird, but I got myself a coupon for next time...if there is a next time ;).

Someone Needs to be Shot!

UPDATE: YOUTUBE HAS DELETED THE VIDEO AND GRATEFUL FOR THAT.  SORRY YOU CAN NO LONGER SEE IT.

I don't care what language you speak, this video is just creepy.  I don't get why people think it's funny in the audience as he basically molests the child.  He should be shot and he is ugly and his mom should be ashamed she squeezed him out of her va-jay-jay.  He wasn't worth the birth.

Sick of Whoring!

I whore, I get paid to sell my body.  I usually do it twice a week and probably make an extra $240 a month by doing it.  It was once worth the time and effort, but I'm sick of it.  It, meaning selling my plasma.  I just call it whoring because in a sense there is a similar definition.
I started selling my plasma this last summer when I moved back to Idaho from Virginia and was not finding any work.  It took me forever to get a job and so I did what I had to do to get by.  I am still trying to do what I have to do to get by and am grateful for the couple jobs I have, but selling plasma has taken me down.  I hate having to drive 30 minutes to the closest plasma center.  There is one coming closer to where I am living, but we'll see how I feel then.  The last 2 times I have gone I have been deferred.  You can get deferred for various reasons like hydration level, temperature, heart rate, protein level, bruises, and a ton of other reasons I'm sure like finding out you have been in jail or all of the sudden have track marks.  I have been deferred a few times now.  Usually my heart rate is the issue, but I guess my heart reveals stress or how I'm feeling not to mention that since I have failed before I know I have an issue and I get nervous!  Last time I had a bruise on my arm with a small red mark in the middle of it.  The bruise was old and the red mark was new, but it was suspected to be a possible injection site...even if he was kidding.  I got deferred by the nurse lady who had to come in for a second opinion and I seriously almost cried.  I was so mad at him because because he was a nark and I had been passed for way worse bruises.  I could feel my cheeks starting to shake as I was trying to leave and not talk to him anymore.  I know he felt so bad.  It was $40 that time!  I lost money!  To top it all off I had to sit and wait in a freezing waiting room because I carpooled with another broke friend.  The worker is a friend of mine at this place now.  Teases me all the time and I think he could see my cheeks shaking or tell I was all weird and different as I stormed out of the area we get asked questions.  He felt so bad he asked if he could make it up to me by taking me out to lunch.  We'll see, but it was a nice attempt to make me smile.  I'm not some cold hearted b-word...I was just mad I wasted my time.
Today is about 2 weeks later than that last time I went.  I was fortunate to be able to work more at my other jobs and with bad timing I couldn't make it to try to sell plasma.  I gave it another go today and was deferred again!  Heart rate, but still!  That guy called me back to do my screening and I refused to have him do it and all the workers laughed and I requested someone else.  He kept coming and bugging me in my booth though and my heart rate was all worked up or something.  I had to go sit down for another 15 minutes and got another try at the heart rate, but fail twice and you are out for the day.  I failed and it sucked.  Glad the friend I went with is a fast pumper...she rocks my time always, wait there was one time I beat her and I was totally stoked. 
I am totally butt hurt I have failed twice in a row, but I'll get over it...someday.
I really may miss all the characters I meet there though.  I just feel so classy when I leave.  Is that such a bad feeling to have? ;)

Agent Rachel

I am obviously not doing my dream job and after an event a couple years ago and going through some hard times I am trying to find that dream again.  Anyway, I work a couple jobs and whore (sell plasma) a couple times a week too.  I'm doing what I have to do to get by.  Although I don't love love my jobs, today I had a very full and interesting day at work.  One of my jobs is to slave at a retail store.  I know slave is such an extreme word and really doesn't apply...I just wish they would pay me more.  This week they gave me full time hours which I didn't mind at all and since they could give more hours out this week they had during some periods a couple extra people which made it less stressful on us.  Normally I ring people up, tell them about all the savings they can get by having one of the stores cards...in hopes that they will sign up and I can look like I am doing a good job, and then get them on their way with a bag full of amazing things they saved a ton on.  Today I was helping out with fitting rooms, specifically the junior fitting rooms.  It truly breaks my heart when someone shop lifts because I know those kids have so much more potential.  Since this week in our area was spring break the youngster were out in hordes and making a mess.  The LP dude, loss preventions, walks around and does his thing and when he is on the hunt I sometimes don't know what to do with myself.  I am not an actor.  I cannot play poker to save my life (plus I don't really know all the rules and I would show excitement if I got one ace thinking I was about to win).  I just want to think everyone is honest too.  I was in the fitting room area and the LP guy comes and is doing his thing and I had things to do, but I was sticking around to see what was going to be going down.  Then later he came up to me and said I need you to put a head set on so while he is watching through the cameras he could tell me what to do if he was suspecting someone.  I was excited, but soon realized I was acting like a freak.  I came back to the area after helping someone out and I heard in my ear "check the junior fitting rooms".  I need to say that this frequency is used by tons and it took me a few seconds to realize he was talking to me.  I had picked up a clothing item off the floor and started to hang it up, but realizing something was or could be about to go down I just tossed the item, literally tossed it over a fixture, and got to the rooms to check it out.  Then when things were clear I realized how spastic I was.  When I was done he said "did you copy Rachel?"  I said they were clear, but I figured he was watching me in the cameras.  All in all it gave me more to do and kind of changed up the day.
Oh also, I got I think the equivalent of employee of the month there today.  I didn't even know what it was, but they explained to me all I got and it is quite great.  Great to be recognized and appreciated. :) I got $25, front row parking for a month, a stadium blanket, put in a drawing for a paid day off, some other small things.  So fun!  I don't mind some extra money :).
Tonight I also went and saw The Last Song with some friends.  Great movie.  I balled at a part, and when you see it I think you will know what part that is...also balled again remembering the part on the way out.  It's a sweet movie and I would say one of the better Nicolas Sparks movies, but not as good as the Notebook.  What could top that really?